


Am I Alive and Well or Am I Dreaming Dead?

by Gray_Skies_Rising



Series: The Wisher [1]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Red Robin (Comics)
Genre: ??? - Freeform, And I’m Putting Him Through Even More, Blanket Permission, Depression, Fix-It, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Tim Drake, I Just Made Everything Worse, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, One Shot, Past Violence, Possible sequel, Tim Drake Angst, Tim Drake Needs a Hug, Tim Drake-centric, Tim is a Sad Boi, Time Travel, Wishes, but not really, he's been through so much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:01:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23785183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gray_Skies_Rising/pseuds/Gray_Skies_Rising
Summary: When given a chance to change the corse of his life, Tim takes it.He just wants the pain to stop.PLEASE READ TAGS!!!
Series: The Wisher [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1993216
Comments: 16
Kudos: 153





	Am I Alive and Well or Am I Dreaming Dead?

**Author's Note:**

> Tw- suicidal thoughts, depression, mentions of death, mentions of violence
> 
> Please tell me if I missed anything!
> 
> P.s. this is called ‘Jason lives because Tim is a sad boi’ in my docs and I regret nothing.
> 
> Title from ‘Taxi Cab’ by Twenty One Pilots.

Tim Drake was depressed.

It was a fact of his life.

And nobody but Tim, himself, seemed to know it.

It wasn’t a fact he tried to hide or lie to himself about.

Fat lot of good living in a family of detectives if they couldn’t even see him breaking and ready to shatter.

Ready to shatter at one more betrayal. One more death. One more fake smile. One more cold silence. One more heated argument. One more missed night of sleep. One more name-calling-turned-friendly-nickname-to-everyone-but-Tim. One more anything, and Tim was going to crumple under it all and never get back up again.

Would anyone ever realize the true reason why? Or would they just think it was a 0 to 60 thing?

If someone goes from 0 to 60, it means you haven’t seen how long they’ve been at 59.

Tim can pinpoint the exact moment his life went to shit.

He had been heading home, not the manor or his apartment, but a silent house, after a night of stalking Batman. It was what, three months after Jason had died? Batman had been extremely brutal that night and Tim was glad he had missed most of the night by going home early. Still, as he sat alone on the bus that would take him to Bristol, he couldn’t help but think.

Batman needs a Robin.

And that’s when it all went to hell.

He soon realized that nobody was going to come and fill the role (His trip to Blüdhaven had been… enlightening) and he took it upon himself.

He was content back then, of course. Past him didn’t realize how bad things would get.

First it was the plane crash, his mother dead and his father in a coma, possibly paralyzed. His father tried after he woke up, he really did, but he ended up falling back into an old routine. His father was killed. Damian showed up. Tried to kill him. The Red Hood showed up. Also tried to kill him. Kon and Bart died. The Red Hood was revealed to be none other than Jason Todd, his hero, his Robin. Bruce ‘died’. Dick gave Robin to Damian and essentially kicked him out. Nobody believed him when he said Bruce was alive. He lost his spleen. Bruce came back and everyone shoved everything that happened under the rug like it never happened. Like he didn’t flinch at every ‘replacement’, every ‘pretender’, every ‘Drake is useless and deserves to be kicked out formally instead of just ignoring him and pretending he doesn’t even exist’. He was paraphrasing on the last one, of course.

It was only going to get worse. He wasn’t being pessimistic with that thought, he was being realistic. Murphy’s law and all that.

If Tim could go back and change anything, he would go back and save Jason.

Ultimately, Jason’s death was what pushed him to become Robin. What made him determined to save Bruce from himself.

Sure, without Jason dying, he would still grow up in an empty house and hate every second of it, but it would save him the pain of the future. The pain of hating every breath and hoping it was his last.

So here he was, sitting in one of his safe houses as a magical being intertwined itself with his very essence, with a choice.

God, he hated magic.

It showed him his dearest desires, and they were hidden very,  _ very,  _ _ very _ far down, and made him choose between his happiness or everyone else’s.

But, this time it wasn’t like that. Everyone could be happy. Everyone else would make the same choice he was about to make. Everyone would  _ understand _ .

Everyone would be happy to have Jason back. A Jason untainted by the Lazarus Pits. A Jason that wasn’t turned hard and bitter by betrayal after betrayal. Tim as Robin being one of them.

Tim would also be happier. Not as happy as everyone else, but happier than he was now.

“Are you sure?”

The thing hissed in his ear and Tim had the brief image of Damian flutter in front of him.

“Yes.”

And he was sure. The surest he has been in a long time.

Tim had the feeling that, if the thing had lips, it would be pursing them.

“Alright then.”

The ground underneath him shifted and suddenly he wasn’t in a safe house anymore, he was in his room at the Drake manor. He knew the when before he even looked at the calendar with the date excitedly circled.

April 27.

It was one of the only times his parents had come home on time.

His parents would then send the next day yelling at each other before leaving for their next dig. Two weeks early. But past Tim didn’t know that. He only knew that his parents were home and had false hope that he was finally good enough for them to stay.

“Why am I here?”

Tim felt angry. He should be gone. He  _ wanted  _ to be gone!

He didn’t want to be here. He didn’t want to watch this. All he wanted was to disappear. To never exist.

He didn’t want this.

“Because,” it had taken a physical form now, instead of just being a wispy cloud it was now a child clad in a black hoodie and black jeans, both accented with gold. It’s face was completely covered in shadow but two glittering, gold eyes shone through with extreme clarity, “if I’m going to rewrite history because you asked, you are sure as hell going to watch.”

Tim fumed but stayed silent.

“You wanted Jason to never die and to have you never become a part of the Wayne family. However,” it moved quicker than a blink and already had a dark hand covering his mouth before he could protest, “I gave you one wish, not two. So which is it? Jason lives, or you never have another significant interaction with the Wayne brood, in or out of suit, again.”

Tim didn’t want to choose. It felt like another everyone or him. He’d always hated how he always chose everyone else’s happiness over his own.

And Tim was crumbling. He was crumbling under this choice. He would crumble and no one but this magical being that he utterly hated would be there to know.

He was crumbling but he knew his choice.

Even in the threat of non-existence, Tim would always choose everyone else’s happiness over his.

“Jason lives.”

It comes out choked. Heavy with guilt as he betrayed himself. It settled in the pit of his stomach and refused to leave.

But it was also light. Light with relief as the weight of the world fell from his shoulders. It let him stand taller than he ever did.

The thing was utterly still, not giving away what it was thinking or feeling. At any other time, Tim would be frustrated that he couldn’t read them. Now, he couldn’t care less.

He was finally free.

He was so busy revaluing in the feeling, he didn’t notice his eyes growing heavy or a deep tiredness settling in his bones.

Slowly, Tim’s eyes flutter shut and he soon fell into a deep sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> I actually stated this to make one of those ‘Jason Never Died But Tim Was Wrapped In To The Family Anyways’ fics. But this was the only full scene that was coming clearly to me. I also have soooo many WIPs that need to be finished before I start anything else. So if I do end up make this into a full fic it probably won’t be for a while.
> 
> At least not until I have most of this story drafted.
> 
> Anyway, Kudos and comments appreciated and encouraged!


End file.
